What is the real reason?

I woke up today with such high expectations of enjoying a fun Valentine's with Jason, Lily & Isaac. I prepared little Valentine's baskets with treats and handmade cards for Jason and the kids. I have a lovely Moroccan dinner planned for tonight and spending time with my family is the best gift anyone can have.

This morning had a different agenda altogether!

The kids and Jason loved their cute Valentine's arrangements, but where was mine? Cupid forgot mama Adams I guess, and while I put on a happy face for my children, I went downstairs to the laundry room to fold clothes, I broke down in tears. As I came up from the basement, Jason knew why I was upset. I don't think any words could comfort how I was feeling. I thought, "I should just push through this morning". I had a portrait appointment for Isaac to get his birthday pictures taken. Mind you, this is round 2 of trying to get Isaac in the portrait studio. Try #2 was NOT a success, so we went next door to Target to browse around. I knew I had a long to do list to get too and headed home with Isaac.

As I sat at my computer working on emails, phone calls, and the to-do list. I could tell that Isaac's diaper needed to be change. I headed up stairs and saw something sitting on my pillow. A beautifully written Valentine's Day card from Jason with the most amazing and encouraging words I have ever read. I guess he didn't forget after all. Thanks honey!

But, why am I still weepy and crying so much. I remember now!!! 3 years ago I lost a pregnancy. This would have been Baby Adams #2, but God had different plans for this baby and in the 13th week of pregnancy on February 13, 2009, we miscarried. I immediately had to have a D&C and I remember being in recovery at home on Valentine's Day.

So here I am , feeling ungrateful that I didn't get a box of chocolates and being ticked at my loving husband, when my heart and spirit had something else going on that had nothing to do with pink hearts and flowers.

I'm allowing my self to grieve today, and I'm allowing myself to enjoy this cute holiday with my family. I am grateful for the children God has given me, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Happy Valentine's Day!!