Most if you know that I am a christian stay at home mom to 2 amazing children. I am very cautious of what I say around my kids, and I am very cautious of what is said by other people that around my children. Some of you reading this have probably been given the "stink-eye" from me if a naughty word has slipped out of your mouth ;)
Jason and I do not curse in front of our children and we have even banned what some people might think as innocent words from our vocabulary. Words such as: stupid, idiot, dumb, duh, crap...the list goes on. Before I tell you our dinner time story from this evening, let me assure you that we are not sheltering our children, but merely allowing them to actually be kids. Good, christ-centered children that speak kind words.
As parents, we want to uplift our children always. Teach them to be good people, teach them to be sensitive to others' needs, to praise God for what He does for us and to love one another.
Let me tell you our story..with yet, another preface.
I know that I am an excellent cook. This is no way being full of myself, I just recognize my gifts...and that is one of them! :)
Every now and then, when I think a meal is not quite perfect. I will say "sorry guys, it's probably not that good". Jason thinks it's ridiculous when I say this and enjoys every meal that is put on the plate. I have no idea why there is this tiny moment of insecurity that I have before we sit down to a meal. I suppose this is something I need to work on, and no better time to face this insecurity than tonight!
You see, Lily helped me prepare this evening's dessert. We have an abundance of mangos from the neighbor's tree. I was given the idea to make a cinnamon mango crisp tonight and invited my awesome kitchen helper. As we sat down to enjoy this amazing dessert. I start in with "picking" on what I could have changed about it...my insecurites started in again. We hear this soft little voice say "Sorry guys, it's probably not that good"
If my heart has ever sunk..it was that moment. Those ridiculous insecurities have slapped me right in the face tonight. My sweet (and very spunky) 4 year old was repreating me. What broke my heart was that we acknowledged Lily earlier that she was the one that made this yummy treat and now she thinks we didn't like it because I was saying that we made it with brown sugar instead of white sugar and that's why it was crunchier than normal crisp desserts. WOW!! I was shocked, I wanted to burst into tears, I wanted to erase that whole scene.
The holy spirit kept me strong and I firmly said, that this was the best dessert ever and that I was so proud that she had made it and on and on...I explained that "sometimes mommy wants to make the best meals ever that she sometimes thinks she doesn't do a good job". She looked at me and said, "mommy, this is really good..thank you"
You see folks, even when you think you are protecting your children from harsh words, or certain movies and shows, or thngs on the internet...it might be the tiniest, most innocent things that you think aren't harmful, that they hear and repeat...and sadly, make your insecurities..their insecurities.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
It's been 10 days since Jason left for his pastoral mission to Guyana. We expect to have him home in the late evening of January 25th! I made this nifty countdown calendar so the kids can have a visual of how long it will take until Daddy gets home.
Lily likes to ask about every few hours, "Mommy, can we move Daddy's face now?" She's hilarious!
The kids and I have surprisingly done very well for being without Jason. Although tonight, I can start to feel like I'm needing a break very soon. A moment to be by myself doing something other than dishes, laundry, or Facebook. I never feel like that Jason "owes" me anything for times like these when he's gone. I do however imagine a nice half day to myself. I only say half because after a few hours I start texting him and asking about the kids. The Wartburg community has been incredible and I am so very blessed for their support. Tonight there was an invitation to have a chick flick evening at a neighbors house, I declined even though I did want to go. I have been feeling pretty down this evening and usually a nice crowd would cheer me up but I wasn't even in the mood to be social. My heart is heavy for a young lady who I met on Facebook through a mutual group that we both "Like", She has a son who was diagnosed with some pretty serious health issues and at 4 months old he passed away. This is very sad to me because I have children of my own and I can't even begin to think what she might be going through. She posted very beautiful pictures of her and her son, with the father also, after the little boy passed away. All evening after I learned of her son's death, I have been super melancholy.
I was getting Lily ready for bed and like any 4 year old she starts to get wound up and goofy, not listening. I threatened that a priveledge would get taken away if she didn't stop, of course she did and then I thought about the mother that lost her baby and said to myself, "She will never be able to put her son in time-out, or help him brush his teeth, or snuggle with him in bed while reading a story." I just dont understand this. My faith and love with God is so great and I understand the life and death cycle, but I just can't wrap my head around this aspect of death; the death of infants and children. I just don't understand it and I'm so confused and angry and so so so sad.
Just wish Jason was here....