Saturday, January 15, 2011

Dear Guyana, I would like my husband back!

It's been 10 days since Jason left for his pastoral mission to Guyana. We expect to have him home in the late evening of January 25th! I made this nifty countdown calendar so the kids can have a visual of how long it will take until Daddy gets home.
Lily likes to ask about every few hours, "Mommy, can we move Daddy's face now?" She's hilarious!
The kids and I have surprisingly done very well for being without Jason. Although tonight, I can start to feel like I'm needing a break very soon. A moment to be by myself doing something other than dishes, laundry, or Facebook. I never feel like that Jason "owes" me anything for times like these when he's gone. I do however imagine a nice half day to myself. I only say half because after a few hours I start texting him and asking about the kids. The Wartburg community has been incredible and I am so very blessed for their support. Tonight there was an invitation to have a chick flick evening at a neighbors house, I declined even though I did want to go. I have been feeling pretty down this evening and usually a nice crowd would cheer me up but I wasn't even in the mood to be social. My heart is heavy for a young lady who I met on Facebook through a mutual group that we both "Like", She has a son who was diagnosed with some pretty serious health issues and at 4 months old he passed away. This is very sad to me because I have children of my own and I can't even begin to think what she might be going through. She posted very beautiful pictures of her and her son, with the father also, after the little boy passed away. All evening after I learned of her son's death, I have been super melancholy.
I was getting Lily ready for bed and like any 4 year old she starts to get wound up and goofy, not listening. I threatened that a priveledge would get taken away if she didn't stop, of course she did and then I thought about the mother that lost her baby and said to myself, "She will never be able to put her son in time-out, or help him brush his teeth, or snuggle with him in bed while reading a story." I just dont understand this. My faith and love with God is so great and I understand the life and death cycle, but I just can't wrap my head around this aspect of death; the death of infants and children. I just don't understand it and I'm so confused and angry and so so so sad.
Just wish Jason was here....